Alleged left shoe theft ring busted →
The ringleader indicated that they had suspected that they were under surveillance and were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How sinister!
Scientology sees historic growth in 2009 →
Supporters were overjoyed when they heard Xenu’s.
Commentators credit recent Cruise control for Thetans of new members.
Chinese man throws bicycle at scooter thieves →
They were sad at being captured, moped around their jail cell.
When will the MSM stop pedaling this nonsense?
The thieves clearly did not get the Vespa him.
Man castrates himself with razor →
Neighbours say they could clearly see he’s nuts.
I really don’t want to mach Mr. Occam, but seriously—how could gillette yourself do this?!
Fifty needles found in Brazilian boy →
I don’t know what they’re sew upset about.
The blame is being pinned on the neglectful parents. “Mom, I needle little help” the boy reportedly said before collapse.
Woman slaps boyfriend with raw steak when he asked for roll →
We’re still not sure what her beef with him was.
Well done.
Walrus mates itself to death →
As deaths go, this one gets my seal of approval.At least he died with a porpoise. On the otter hand, a whale of a way dugong.
You walrus hurt the one you love. Oh well, that’s a moray.
One female has been whaling away. Narwal have to wait and see what might polar out of her slump.
State Park manager fired for sexual harassment of mermaid →
Claims that it shouldn’t be a crime to try to get some tail, it will be a total fluke if he is convicted.Sounds like he has no trust in the scales of justice.
They’re just fishing for something.
Cynics, it was totally a case of a-moray.
Ariel repeatly told the man, “My name does not end in ‘ola’!”
Sperm has now officially been proven to have anti-aging properties →
Men came to that conclusion ages ago, but are nonetheless enerjizzed by scientific proof.
A new line of facial products has semenly emerged from the study.
Peru farmer hospitalized with eight-day erection →
In unrelated news, reports of a mass raping of Peruvian cattle are shocking the nation.
The man reportedly confused some medication for Red Bull: “Yo pensaba que la medicina me dio alas—sí alas!”
